Talk
I was on the phone with an airline baggage claim person the other day. He responded to my lost luggage issue with “sir, we are doing our best”. I didn’t believe him. I don’t think the young man on the phone was lying, but the thing was, there was absolutely no action to back up his claim. Talk is so cheap.
There is that biblical story of the two brothers. Their father gives them some work to do. The first brother says he will do it, then buggers off. The second says he doesn’t want to do it, but in the end he actually gets the job done. The story points to the second brother as the one who did the right thing. Actions over words.
Its easy to fall into the trap of offering words we know someone wants to hear, even though we don’t intend to, or aren’t sure how to, follow through. My boys have done that successfully for years when it comes to cleaning their rooms.
I had a friend tell me the story of when he was young and his dad, who didn’t live with him, would promise to take him to Disneyland, complete with letting him know the day and hour he’d pick him up. As a little boy my friend would pack his bag and wait, expectantly, for a father who never showed up. I don’t think his dad intentionally meant to mess with his son’s mind and heart – he just clearly could not connect the actions with the words.
I myself am thinking of another friend who is going through a really tough time. I saw him on the street and said I would call him to go out for a beer. That was three weeks ago. I haven’t called.
It’s not enough that I mean what I say. I actually have to follow through for it to become true.
January 25th, 2010 at 3:16 am
Yep. Don’t make promises you can’t or won’t keep, eh? Seems like a primary precept to abide by.
Of course, there’s the polite fiction of “We should get together some time” that both parties know is bullshit. But it’s polite mutual bullshit to get out of each others’ faces.
So, the deal with precepts is, they’re all trumped by the “do the least harm possible, and create the most benefit possible” precept. And sometimes that means bullshitting. And maybe stealin’ and robbin’ and drinkin’ liquor etc. Depends on the sitchy-ayshun, eh?
January 25th, 2010 at 12:41 pm
We humans are interesting animals. Why is it that a kind and caring person such as yourself makes a “commitment” to a hurting friend to get together and you do not follow through? We are all guilty of such actions - I know I am. I wonder if it is because we are all so self absorbed in our worlds with the intensity that life seems to present. Or could it be because are lazy and want to take the road less travelled (where have I heard that before?) Regardless, we certainly need to make fulfilling commitments more much direct and intended. About six months ago, I made a commitment to myself that every Monday morning when I arrive at work I would outline my priorities for the week - both business and personal. Its seems to be working better for me. I am fulfilling more commitments and talking less. I’ll let you know how I am doing after the next six months.
January 25th, 2010 at 2:49 pm
I took my daughter to Disneyland when she was five years old. I told her,, when we got back that I would take again in five years and every five years until she way able to go by her self.
This year my daughter is ten years old. Needless to say, times are tough and money is short. Over the past few months, the gods of success have given me just enough grace to fund our return.
I wouldn’t say, I’m the worlds best dad, but truly - I do what I say.
To me, my kids are Kings.