I am slowing down today. Outside there are many demands, even opportunities, but instead, I’m having a second cup of coffee. My usual state is one of urgency, now, and get it done. But, not this morning.

To some that will read like the written equivalent of holiday photos on Facebook. “Must be nice”. It is, but I’m also pushing back the guilt of ‘not getting around to it’. Whether it’s the pile of dirt, or the stack of papers – leaving them alone is no easy task.

What can’t wait a day? What is so damn important?

The past few months have been more erosion than landslide.   My time carved into one hour chunks, from one thing on to the next. Expedience often demanding black and white – nuance can just take too long. I am far more busy than I am aware.

But stopping is no easy feat. The cracks of space fill first with the obvious, the easy. Noise – in all its forms, is a hard habit to break. I have weaned myself off of long form narrative, I haven’t spent enough time in real quiet. It is hard not to fill the empty.

Recently I asked a friend to partner with me on a project. I got a short note back saying he couldn’t, that he had too much on the go. I was bothered by his ‘no’. I wanted him to match my pace. I gave little consideration that maybe he too was losing himself in activity, and that his turning me down was the tough, but right call.

So, once this is done, so am I. It maybe the hardest thing I’ve done all week.